She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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