hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
