Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
