I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
