You smell like a Billy Joel song
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
