Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
