weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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