i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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