I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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