i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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