Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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