I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Randomize
