and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
