Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
