Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
