So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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