i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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