i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
