I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
