Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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