he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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