You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
