Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Randomize
