he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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