You're a womanizer and a bitch.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Randomize
