I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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