I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
