I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
