I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
