drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
