the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I'm just crazy horny about you
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
