I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
