She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
