what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm just crazy horny about you
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
