Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Hello my rib-scented angel!
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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