I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
