hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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