Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
