She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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