I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
