turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
