I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
