im drinking this country out of the recession.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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