She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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