I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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