How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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