god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
