you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
