they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
