You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize