Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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