I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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