I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
