some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
did i just pee glitter
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
