We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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