put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
