youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
