...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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