oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
