my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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