remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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