he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
We are two peas in an std pod
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
