The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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