hotel room ftw
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
