you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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