talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize