Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
