What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
