Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
The uberlube is also flammable
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
