i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
