I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
