I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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